Parents Behaving Badly - Youth Sports

As parents, are we sending the wrong message to our children by our spectator behavior at their youth sporting events?  Are parents now exempt from demonstrating good sportsmanship?  Kids naturally do not like it when their parents conflict with other parents, coaches or game officials and parental behavior is a major influence on children.  Violence and verbal abuse is not proper behavior at youth sports events and is not an acceptable way to teach our children to solve disagreements on the field or in life. We  need to take a time out and remember why we are attending the game and that is for our children.

This weekend, I went to three different youth sporting events which prompted this blog.  At one high school event, the police were called on a parent for acting out (yelling profanities at other parents) in the stands.  At another event, I would have felt more comfortable if the police were present.  A crazed fan parent was ejected from the game for their mid-play demanding coaching and arguing with the officials.  The parent even snuck back into the venue before the game was over only to be removed again.  All of that over a 7 and 8 year old Saturday afternoon basketball game.

Lets slow down and consider the perspective of our children who have (hopefully) chosen to be athletes.  They joined the world of sports with hopes and dreams of having fun, learning the sport, developing skills and hanging out with their friends.  As parents, do we not all share the common goals for our children to have a healthier lifestyle and develop character-building values like teamwork, dedication and discipline from their participation in sports?

As parents, do we ever stop and consider how our children want us to behave as their parents?  In general, young athletes group parents into three categories: supportive parent, demanding coach or a crazed fan.  Kids view "attentive silence" during play and supportive cheering and encouragement and praise as ideal parental behavior.  From there, we move into two types of unwanted parent behavior.  Parents become demanding coaches when "critical encouragement", or backhanded instruction, is screamed at them often during inappropriate times. Parents join the dark side and morph into crazy fans once they demonstrate angry and aggressive behaviors that are distracting or embarrassing.

My parental view on this subject might be different than some parents but lets keep it real.  We can't relive our sporting careers, or have one, through our children.  We can't truly expect every child to purse the lottery-like chance of making a college team or playing professional sports because that is the exception, not the rule.  Having played youth sports myself, my expectations are age-appropriate, managed and low.

As parents, lets do our part to create a fun, enjoyable environment for youth sports.  Lets teach our kids to be competitive and play a fair game.  Take a stand against parental unsportsmanlike behavior. Shouldn't we do our part to show our children how to win or lose with class?

DISCLAIMER:
I tend to go to another extreme and channel my intensity with positive cheering.  That is easy for me since we live in a small town and I generally know most of the players.  It is also easier because my three children are ten and under, so there is not a lot at stake rather they win or lose.  I am happy for every child that does well out on the field or on the court and indiscriminately cheer for the child regardless of the team. My six year old brought my zealous behavior to my attention when he photographed what he called my "one woman wave" attempt when I was cheering in the crowd. Yeah, I will be working on reining myself in as well.

(photo pending)

Survival Mode Mom: Just Say NO to DIY Valentine's

As a single working parent, I have to pace myself and my children's activities.  We have to be careful where we spend our resources including our time and energy.  We are not keeping up with The Jones, ever, and I have lost any desire to try.  Everything we do HAS to be in moderation, even our level of school holiday participation.

When the school flier came home about "the box", I was flattered at the opportunity to "help" my first grade boy create a Pinterest worthy Valentine's card box.  Briefly, I entertained the idea and fantasized about the adorable photo I could post online.  Then, I remembered the gingerbread house we slaved over for hours that the boys took outside and jumped on and smashed to pieces just to watch it explode.  With two small boys, my reality is that craft projects do not turn into heirlooms, they turn into trash rather quickly.

Considering we have around three hours together every evening, the prospect of spending those with my son using sharp objects, permanent marks and us gluing our fingers together grew less and less appealing.  Plus, when you consider those three hours has to also include dinner, baths and other homework and sport activities for all the kids, I knew this craft project would end up in a grump match and me sending him off to bed while I stayed up and finished the project myself.  No thank you, I have served my own time in first grade!
  
Last night, the kids and I ventured out for Valentine's supplies after dinner.  Imagine my surprise when we found a ready-made Valentine's card box!  Whoever had this idea is brilliant and I just want to give them a shout out and tell them I LOVE YOU, Happy Valentine's Day!  We were able to complete all our shopping without anyone having an emotional meltdown.  All the kids even completed their own cards before their bedtime.  We actually enjoyed each other's company last night.

So, here is to our completely store-bought, commercialized Valentine's Day that gave me time to love on my children a little more.  Loving the kids is something that will never make me feel guilty and if it takes a store-bought item presented by my actual children themselves, then so be it.  Judge away!  


Besides, what are the odds that a six year old boy could even transport said box to school without it being disassembled?  This isn't going to be a sentimental item to him.  It would be destroyed, at best, by dark the night of his party.  That is if he didn't tear it apart to get to candy-grams during the party.

Austin's stress free card box

Jackson's cards that he addressed himself in record time.
Why haven't I thought of this???

The Days Are Long but the Years Are Short

Jackson's teacher emailed me today because Jackson got into trouble for burping his ABC's at lunch. What is it with little boys and body function humor at the table? Sometimes I feel like I am forced to share my meals with tiny versions of Jim Carey. It drives me completely insane. The guys at work assure me ABC burping and armpit farting are perfectly normal little boy activities and no great cause for alarm.

Judging from the teacher's email, I thought Jackson would be stringing a few troublesome days together. It quickly became evident it was Austin's turn. When I rushed from work to after school care, Austin left the building ahead of us. As we opened the front doors of the school, there was Austin, in all his glory, peeing on a tree in the front schoolyard. As a single mom, I certainly did NOT teach him that!

Below is a clip of Austin's soccer performance while he was on the bench. His on the field performance was just as energetic and unproductive.  At the end of the game, I had to race to another field to give Holland something.  When I got back, I realized during the post game lineup, Austin had taken a water gun, filled with his ice cold water, out onto the field and squirted everyone in the lineup instead of shaking hands. Thankfully, the other players appreciated the relief from the heat and were not angry.  Not telling what the parents thought of me.  I wanted to run and hide.

Jackson and Holland both had games immediately following Austin's game. That is always fun, trying to be in two places at once. Jackson played a good game. They do not have a goalie at his age, so he played sweeper and striker and scored 3 of 7 points for the team. The game tied and went into overtime and a PK and we will just pretend I know the ending score. By the time the game was over, I was too tired to pay attention.

Holland had a great game as well.  She played goalie and striker.  One of the parents told me Holland is considered one of the two fastest girls in the league.  Don't know if that is true or not put it sounds impressive. There is one thing for certain, that girl is competitive, aggressive and loves the game.  Her game was also tied and ended in a PK and the team lost.  Here are a few shots of Holland in action.  I had never really considered face protection for soccer goalies until I saw Holland play the position!  It might be a blessing I only saw half of the game.

My day had seemed long up to this point, or so I had thought.  Three soccer games, two going into over time, I was past ready to get home.  I had to stop at the gas station because I had been driving on E since picking them up from school.  I do not know what went wrong.  I heard the pump click and thought it had shut off.  When I grabbed the pump handle, what happened next made me think of a scene from Zoolander, only thankfully I mine was a solo scene.

After dousing myself with gasoline, I got into the car and Holland had a nosebleed. Triaged Holland's nose and proceeded to the drive-through because I realized I needed to shower ASAP and these kids are not going to be able to wait for me to shower first.  Cruising, windows down, trying to pretend everything is just fine and I was not in the least bit freaked out over anything.  Ordered our food and when we drove to the pickup window, Austin jumped up out of his seat, leaned over and sang 'What to do with that big fat butt -wiggle, wiggle, wiggle' to the poor teenage girl working the window. Thankfully Austin is cute and the girl had a sense of humor, even when I had lost mine.

After getting the kids settled to eat, I raced through a quick shower.  Started the washer with all of my gas soaked clothes and suddenly realized the house was quiet.  All the kids had put themselves to bed and had covered themselves up and had fallen asleep.  I did not disturb them, even though they were in their soccer uniforms, because I was ready to put the day behind us.  In the morning, I discovered Holland had even slept in her shin guards and socks. Mom of the year alert!

Laborious Day

Our Labor Day was a holiday only from our normal routine.  Photographing the wedding this weekend limited our options for travel which was really desirable. We desperately needed a reprieve.  By nature, we require downtime but taking that time does not come naturally.  

My boys had visited their grandparent's on Saturday while Holland and I attended the wedding. They had invited us back on Labor Day to "Get Our ATV On" as Jackson puts it.  When we arrived, their grandmother mentioned that one of the boys had clogged up their toilet and now neither toilet was working properly, so the grandfather might have to stay behind to complete the repair.  After interrogating the boys to verify we were dealing only with an abundance of toilet paper and not a lodged action figure, I told their grandparents that I could fix this.  Just give me some Dawn dish washing detergent, boiling water and about thirty minutes and we would all be on our way together.

Hearing that from my former self would probably, and rightfully, invoke fear in anyone.  In married life, I did no outside house chores (even including taking the trash out) and any house repair would not have been considered.  Funny how quickly self-preservation takes over when you are single and only have one toilet!  I am a self taught plumber now.

I do not know why the grandparents entertained my idea but they did and ultimately, I indeed repaired their toilets.  It occurred to me this was the first 'shitty situation' I had to fix with them that my children were responsible for creating.  I was thankful that despite the wretchedness that was my marriage and divorce, we were somehow able to work together through it all for the benefit of our children.  

Laborious repairs behind us, we headed out to the family land for some recreation.  The kids enjoyed taking turns riding their ATV.  Their driving/riding styles are consistent with their personalities.  Holland is extremely cautious. Jackson is all-out fast and furious effort except when it comes to creek crossing. He says he does not like to disturb nature, so he passes very slowly.  In reality, he passes slowly so he can stop, go back and catch a frog and then continue. Austin is just a carefree passenger along for the ride.  During their down time, I enjoyed exploiting their child labor to help clean up around the picnic pavilion.

We returned earlier than usual so that the kids could finish their chores and we could relax a little at home.  Jackson was not concerned about disturbing nature when he brought two frogs home with him in my car.  When we got home, everyone got busy tidying the place except for Jackson who was concerned about setting up a habitat for his frogs.

Next, something totally unfamiliar happened.  There was a point yesterday when my house was clean and I sat down on the sofa and attempted to watch television.  It was such an unfamiliar event that I did not enjoy it long before I remembered a million and one little things I could be doing instead.

Here is a photo of the family lego build the kids spent some time on yesterday. They were doing some city planning and building a neighborhood.  They invited me to join in but I declined in order to do laundry and I just observed from afar. Jackson said they were having so much fun that he thought they just made a memory!

Last night, Jackson could not sleep because he had growing pains in his legs. He immediately had my sympathy because I was tormented by growing pains as a child.  The poor kids was restless and I tried desperately, for his sake and mine, to help him fall asleep.  Finally, I suggested that we go together and sleep on the sectional in the living room.  He could lay in the recliner and elevate his legs and I could lay nearby and be there if he needed me.  This seemed like the perfect solution at one am!  Jackson quickly went to sleep.  

I, however, could not sleep.  I laid there thinking that my alarm was going off somewhere in the house.  What was that noise?  It sounded like a muffled, chirping noise and I could not quite place from where it was coming.  I kept checking my phone to make sure I had not overslept.

This morning, Jackson bounced right up off that couch raring to go.  He raced over to an aquarium I had failed to notice.  Inside sat his two latest frogs and the frogs began to croak.  They mystery of the phantom alarm was solved. Ultimately, was I more disturbed by the frog's relocation than nature?

Old Time Religion

There is part of me that is fundamentally lazy or I aspire to achieve a state of laziness.  Lazy never works out for me.  Even on lazy rainy days like today, someone usually forces me into action.  Today Holland called me into action with a hostile high-pitched whiny repetitive nagging that forced me out of the house.  Holland was determined to visit a church because Miss +Donna McCown  invited us to attend. I am so thankful for Holland for many reasons but today I am thankful for her keeping me on track.

Is it just me or do people seem to lose their religion getting small children ready for church on Sundays? Maybe that is just me, or my family, because I remember thinking that same thing sitting in church as a child as well. Anyway, the kids and I loaded up and headed up the highway to Elkmont, Alabama to check out the Church of the Living God.  Please note that not only were we on time but we were fifteen minutes early. That right there is a modern miracle.

Being raised Church of Christ, growing up I did not visit many other churches.  Religion is fascinating to me. This was my first experience with a Church of the Living God, so I had no idea what to expect.  Brother Doug performed a wedding ceremony that I photographed last month and I said then I would love to hear him preach.  After having visited a small Methodist church earlier in the Summer, I at least knew to pack coloring books and markers for the kids when visiting small churches.

The service started off with everyone on their feet clapping and I liked that.  It might have been eleven o'clock but I really was half asleep and that woke me right up.  They really included the children in every aspect of the service and I liked that the children were included in the service instead of being excluded from the service. The children were also allowed to act quietly like children too as a couple of them toddled from row to row as they were passed among family members during the service.

The music was AMAZING!  Now, I LOVE ME some good gospel music.  This was not just good revival gospel music but it was good, Southern Bluegrass style gospel music.  They had a really diverse group of musicians that could really jam.  The main female singer sounded like Loretta Lynn and I loved that she had her grand-baby on her hip for a song or two.  The audience even called out song request to the band, so it truly felt like a jam session.

The service was inspirational for me and others as well because I do not think there was an eye in the house that did not shed at least a tear (from either happiness or sadness) at some point.   My two oldest children even paid attention.  The church was cold and I LOVE A COLD CHURCH because that means I get to cuddle up with my children.  There was lots of yelling and screaming of the word.  Not the kind of yelling and screaming because the speaker knows you are not listening but the kind where the speaker is so moved that they are 'in the word."  There were some other things too that I didn't really understand like going forward for small prayer circles.  Whatever was happening, it was good and I observed that people were truly feeling the word.  Donna's son and daughter-in-law were even saved and even thought I do not truly understand what that means entirely, I was glad I was there.

Afterwards, we were invited to eat with the preacher and his family.  The preacher lives out behind the church so that was really convenient.  My friend Donna happens to be the preacher's daughter, so that is how my family managed an invitation.  Big families are equally as fascinating to me as religion.  There were tons of people there and loads of little ones.  Anna had packed up the leftover candy and water guns from her wedding yesterday and sent them home with my children.  Naturally, I seized the opportunity and distributed as many suckers and water guns to those little ones as I could.  We had a great time and so did those little ones but we might not be invited back:).

Here is a picture Donna took of us at Brother Doug's.

Look, my children are all still and acting timid (temporarily at least)!

This evening, we walked out of our house and saw this rainbow!  It seemed fitting to see a rainbow on a church-filed rainy Sunday.  When Austin saw the rainbow he got excited and started running down the sidewalk yelling something about looking for leprechauns.  (Austin has been on a quest to capture either a leprechaun or Big Foot for a while now).  Jackson got really excited and asked if we should tell the neighbors that they had a pot of gold in their house, which obviously appeared to be at the end of the rainbow to Jackson.  While I was debating how to answer him, Jackson asked if we should just break into their house instead and that I knew how to answer!  At least he asked first...

Do Love and Marriage Go Together?

Today, I have been thinking a lot about love and marriage.  Not necessarily at the same time, mind you.  I am not entirely convinced the two things are even related.

It all started this morning when I heard this new song.  Suddenly, I thought I want to feel like that!

Infatuation is intoxicating and absolutely amazing.  Does love always fade into hatred?  Familiarity breeds contempt, right?  My marriage, thank GOD that is over, felt more like this song.

  
What I would like to feel like is more like this song (which is odd because I do not really like the song).  It is much more balanced - give and take. This kind of love is something that could stand the test of time.  Lasting love would be awesome because dividing your family, your assets and turning your credit and life upside down really, really sucks.  I could do without doing all of that again.

Tonight, I photographed a rehearsal dinner and tomorrow I will photograph my second wedding of the Summer.  Photographing a wedding is something I said I would never, ever do but both couples are young and so I VOLUNTEERED to photograph the weddings as a labor of love.  Tonight it was actually fun to observe young love and I was able to be excited for the couple (which is HUGE).  Young love just looks so carefree, easy and fun. The bridal party is walking in to "Let's Go Crazy" by Prince and walking out to "Kiss" by Prince.  Does anything get more fun than Prince?

Picking Your Battles - Yearbook Photos

Once upon a time, I dressed my children in elaborate, preferably monogrammed, boutique clothing. The first two children were immaculately groomed in their coordinated outfits and were, in my opinion, downright adorable. 

  

 

Then along came number three and this clothing practice was less practical.  Plus, with three children, it began to remind me of The Sound of Music.

That is when I became more practical and switched to just color coordinating their outfits to simplify our never ending laundry.

 It has been difficult for me to let go and let the children discover their own style. Jackson has gone through phases of cultivating a few looks, like the layered look and then the camo look last year, that I have not quite understood. Am I really supposed to understand everything?

Where I draw the line and lay down the law is church.  I dictate what is worn to church, there are guidelines for school and the rest can be debated along the way.  Athletic practice clothing has become a free-for-all and I just smile and wave and cheer even when I think they resemble small homeless people.

School yearbook photos were today.  Days in advanced, I asked everyone what they were wearing. I wanted to avoid last minute demands or surprises.

Jackson warned me well in advance that he was going to wear the most wretched, junkiest athletic clothing he could find.  He was clear about the fact he was going to school where his comfort is of the utmost importance in order for him to learn.  He was not wearing any stiff, fancy, dressy churchy clothes just because the school made him pose for a photo.

This morning, Holland dressed and groomed herself appropriately without complaint.  Austin selected a bright orange v-neck shirt which he obviously thought he looked good in because he seemed very confident wearing it.  I tried to get the image of Austin with a big handlebar mustache and chest hairs popping out of the top the shirt and a thick gold chain out of my mind.  Austin needed a haircut but since he is allergic to haircuts and my battle tolerance has been low, I decided the yearbook photo would be more appropriate with Austin's hair in a normal state.

Then there was Jackson.  Jackson came in wearing the most worn out, to the point of appearing retro, Alabama t-shirt that I had never seen.  I just smiled sweetly at him and reminded him to brush his hair.  He looked a little bewildered and deflated that I did not make him change but the battle was not in me.

From the beginning, I have said I do not make scrapbooks but I am collecting evidence files.  Too much has happened for me to worry about what other people think.  Too much has happened for me to worry about the small things.  If they want to have yearbook photos that are worthy of a best of the worst contests, then so be it!

If you saw my boys today and you wondered if I had forgotten that it was picture day, no I did not.  My children were sent off to school in a loving "state of grace."  I saved my battle for something bigger than school photos.  Plus, I never know when to expect the next war.

+Maryjane Johnson, is this from the Isaiah collection?  If so, that would explain why it is his favorite:).  Those boys are true buds.