The Days Are Long but the Years Are Short

Jackson's teacher emailed me today because Jackson got into trouble for burping his ABC's at lunch. What is it with little boys and body function humor at the table? Sometimes I feel like I am forced to share my meals with tiny versions of Jim Carey. It drives me completely insane. The guys at work assure me ABC burping and armpit farting are perfectly normal little boy activities and no great cause for alarm.

Judging from the teacher's email, I thought Jackson would be stringing a few troublesome days together. It quickly became evident it was Austin's turn. When I rushed from work to after school care, Austin left the building ahead of us. As we opened the front doors of the school, there was Austin, in all his glory, peeing on a tree in the front schoolyard. As a single mom, I certainly did NOT teach him that!

Below is a clip of Austin's soccer performance while he was on the bench. His on the field performance was just as energetic and unproductive.  At the end of the game, I had to race to another field to give Holland something.  When I got back, I realized during the post game lineup, Austin had taken a water gun, filled with his ice cold water, out onto the field and squirted everyone in the lineup instead of shaking hands. Thankfully, the other players appreciated the relief from the heat and were not angry.  Not telling what the parents thought of me.  I wanted to run and hide.

Jackson and Holland both had games immediately following Austin's game. That is always fun, trying to be in two places at once. Jackson played a good game. They do not have a goalie at his age, so he played sweeper and striker and scored 3 of 7 points for the team. The game tied and went into overtime and a PK and we will just pretend I know the ending score. By the time the game was over, I was too tired to pay attention.

Holland had a great game as well.  She played goalie and striker.  One of the parents told me Holland is considered one of the two fastest girls in the league.  Don't know if that is true or not put it sounds impressive. There is one thing for certain, that girl is competitive, aggressive and loves the game.  Her game was also tied and ended in a PK and the team lost.  Here are a few shots of Holland in action.  I had never really considered face protection for soccer goalies until I saw Holland play the position!  It might be a blessing I only saw half of the game.

My day had seemed long up to this point, or so I had thought.  Three soccer games, two going into over time, I was past ready to get home.  I had to stop at the gas station because I had been driving on E since picking them up from school.  I do not know what went wrong.  I heard the pump click and thought it had shut off.  When I grabbed the pump handle, what happened next made me think of a scene from Zoolander, only thankfully I mine was a solo scene.

After dousing myself with gasoline, I got into the car and Holland had a nosebleed. Triaged Holland's nose and proceeded to the drive-through because I realized I needed to shower ASAP and these kids are not going to be able to wait for me to shower first.  Cruising, windows down, trying to pretend everything is just fine and I was not in the least bit freaked out over anything.  Ordered our food and when we drove to the pickup window, Austin jumped up out of his seat, leaned over and sang 'What to do with that big fat butt -wiggle, wiggle, wiggle' to the poor teenage girl working the window. Thankfully Austin is cute and the girl had a sense of humor, even when I had lost mine.

After getting the kids settled to eat, I raced through a quick shower.  Started the washer with all of my gas soaked clothes and suddenly realized the house was quiet.  All the kids had put themselves to bed and had covered themselves up and had fallen asleep.  I did not disturb them, even though they were in their soccer uniforms, because I was ready to put the day behind us.  In the morning, I discovered Holland had even slept in her shin guards and socks. Mom of the year alert!

Laborious Day

Our Labor Day was a holiday only from our normal routine.  Photographing the wedding this weekend limited our options for travel which was really desirable. We desperately needed a reprieve.  By nature, we require downtime but taking that time does not come naturally.  

My boys had visited their grandparent's on Saturday while Holland and I attended the wedding. They had invited us back on Labor Day to "Get Our ATV On" as Jackson puts it.  When we arrived, their grandmother mentioned that one of the boys had clogged up their toilet and now neither toilet was working properly, so the grandfather might have to stay behind to complete the repair.  After interrogating the boys to verify we were dealing only with an abundance of toilet paper and not a lodged action figure, I told their grandparents that I could fix this.  Just give me some Dawn dish washing detergent, boiling water and about thirty minutes and we would all be on our way together.

Hearing that from my former self would probably, and rightfully, invoke fear in anyone.  In married life, I did no outside house chores (even including taking the trash out) and any house repair would not have been considered.  Funny how quickly self-preservation takes over when you are single and only have one toilet!  I am a self taught plumber now.

I do not know why the grandparents entertained my idea but they did and ultimately, I indeed repaired their toilets.  It occurred to me this was the first 'shitty situation' I had to fix with them that my children were responsible for creating.  I was thankful that despite the wretchedness that was my marriage and divorce, we were somehow able to work together through it all for the benefit of our children.  

Laborious repairs behind us, we headed out to the family land for some recreation.  The kids enjoyed taking turns riding their ATV.  Their driving/riding styles are consistent with their personalities.  Holland is extremely cautious. Jackson is all-out fast and furious effort except when it comes to creek crossing. He says he does not like to disturb nature, so he passes very slowly.  In reality, he passes slowly so he can stop, go back and catch a frog and then continue. Austin is just a carefree passenger along for the ride.  During their down time, I enjoyed exploiting their child labor to help clean up around the picnic pavilion.

We returned earlier than usual so that the kids could finish their chores and we could relax a little at home.  Jackson was not concerned about disturbing nature when he brought two frogs home with him in my car.  When we got home, everyone got busy tidying the place except for Jackson who was concerned about setting up a habitat for his frogs.

Next, something totally unfamiliar happened.  There was a point yesterday when my house was clean and I sat down on the sofa and attempted to watch television.  It was such an unfamiliar event that I did not enjoy it long before I remembered a million and one little things I could be doing instead.

Here is a photo of the family lego build the kids spent some time on yesterday. They were doing some city planning and building a neighborhood.  They invited me to join in but I declined in order to do laundry and I just observed from afar. Jackson said they were having so much fun that he thought they just made a memory!

Last night, Jackson could not sleep because he had growing pains in his legs. He immediately had my sympathy because I was tormented by growing pains as a child.  The poor kids was restless and I tried desperately, for his sake and mine, to help him fall asleep.  Finally, I suggested that we go together and sleep on the sectional in the living room.  He could lay in the recliner and elevate his legs and I could lay nearby and be there if he needed me.  This seemed like the perfect solution at one am!  Jackson quickly went to sleep.  

I, however, could not sleep.  I laid there thinking that my alarm was going off somewhere in the house.  What was that noise?  It sounded like a muffled, chirping noise and I could not quite place from where it was coming.  I kept checking my phone to make sure I had not overslept.

This morning, Jackson bounced right up off that couch raring to go.  He raced over to an aquarium I had failed to notice.  Inside sat his two latest frogs and the frogs began to croak.  They mystery of the phantom alarm was solved. Ultimately, was I more disturbed by the frog's relocation than nature?

Old Time Religion

There is part of me that is fundamentally lazy or I aspire to achieve a state of laziness.  Lazy never works out for me.  Even on lazy rainy days like today, someone usually forces me into action.  Today Holland called me into action with a hostile high-pitched whiny repetitive nagging that forced me out of the house.  Holland was determined to visit a church because Miss +Donna McCown  invited us to attend. I am so thankful for Holland for many reasons but today I am thankful for her keeping me on track.

Is it just me or do people seem to lose their religion getting small children ready for church on Sundays? Maybe that is just me, or my family, because I remember thinking that same thing sitting in church as a child as well. Anyway, the kids and I loaded up and headed up the highway to Elkmont, Alabama to check out the Church of the Living God.  Please note that not only were we on time but we were fifteen minutes early. That right there is a modern miracle.

Being raised Church of Christ, growing up I did not visit many other churches.  Religion is fascinating to me. This was my first experience with a Church of the Living God, so I had no idea what to expect.  Brother Doug performed a wedding ceremony that I photographed last month and I said then I would love to hear him preach.  After having visited a small Methodist church earlier in the Summer, I at least knew to pack coloring books and markers for the kids when visiting small churches.

The service started off with everyone on their feet clapping and I liked that.  It might have been eleven o'clock but I really was half asleep and that woke me right up.  They really included the children in every aspect of the service and I liked that the children were included in the service instead of being excluded from the service. The children were also allowed to act quietly like children too as a couple of them toddled from row to row as they were passed among family members during the service.

The music was AMAZING!  Now, I LOVE ME some good gospel music.  This was not just good revival gospel music but it was good, Southern Bluegrass style gospel music.  They had a really diverse group of musicians that could really jam.  The main female singer sounded like Loretta Lynn and I loved that she had her grand-baby on her hip for a song or two.  The audience even called out song request to the band, so it truly felt like a jam session.

The service was inspirational for me and others as well because I do not think there was an eye in the house that did not shed at least a tear (from either happiness or sadness) at some point.   My two oldest children even paid attention.  The church was cold and I LOVE A COLD CHURCH because that means I get to cuddle up with my children.  There was lots of yelling and screaming of the word.  Not the kind of yelling and screaming because the speaker knows you are not listening but the kind where the speaker is so moved that they are 'in the word."  There were some other things too that I didn't really understand like going forward for small prayer circles.  Whatever was happening, it was good and I observed that people were truly feeling the word.  Donna's son and daughter-in-law were even saved and even thought I do not truly understand what that means entirely, I was glad I was there.

Afterwards, we were invited to eat with the preacher and his family.  The preacher lives out behind the church so that was really convenient.  My friend Donna happens to be the preacher's daughter, so that is how my family managed an invitation.  Big families are equally as fascinating to me as religion.  There were tons of people there and loads of little ones.  Anna had packed up the leftover candy and water guns from her wedding yesterday and sent them home with my children.  Naturally, I seized the opportunity and distributed as many suckers and water guns to those little ones as I could.  We had a great time and so did those little ones but we might not be invited back:).

Here is a picture Donna took of us at Brother Doug's.

Look, my children are all still and acting timid (temporarily at least)!

This evening, we walked out of our house and saw this rainbow!  It seemed fitting to see a rainbow on a church-filed rainy Sunday.  When Austin saw the rainbow he got excited and started running down the sidewalk yelling something about looking for leprechauns.  (Austin has been on a quest to capture either a leprechaun or Big Foot for a while now).  Jackson got really excited and asked if we should tell the neighbors that they had a pot of gold in their house, which obviously appeared to be at the end of the rainbow to Jackson.  While I was debating how to answer him, Jackson asked if we should just break into their house instead and that I knew how to answer!  At least he asked first...

Do Love and Marriage Go Together?

Today, I have been thinking a lot about love and marriage.  Not necessarily at the same time, mind you.  I am not entirely convinced the two things are even related.

It all started this morning when I heard this new song.  Suddenly, I thought I want to feel like that!

Infatuation is intoxicating and absolutely amazing.  Does love always fade into hatred?  Familiarity breeds contempt, right?  My marriage, thank GOD that is over, felt more like this song.

  
What I would like to feel like is more like this song (which is odd because I do not really like the song).  It is much more balanced - give and take. This kind of love is something that could stand the test of time.  Lasting love would be awesome because dividing your family, your assets and turning your credit and life upside down really, really sucks.  I could do without doing all of that again.

Tonight, I photographed a rehearsal dinner and tomorrow I will photograph my second wedding of the Summer.  Photographing a wedding is something I said I would never, ever do but both couples are young and so I VOLUNTEERED to photograph the weddings as a labor of love.  Tonight it was actually fun to observe young love and I was able to be excited for the couple (which is HUGE).  Young love just looks so carefree, easy and fun. The bridal party is walking in to "Let's Go Crazy" by Prince and walking out to "Kiss" by Prince.  Does anything get more fun than Prince?

Picking Your Battles - Yearbook Photos

Once upon a time, I dressed my children in elaborate, preferably monogrammed, boutique clothing. The first two children were immaculately groomed in their coordinated outfits and were, in my opinion, downright adorable. 

  

 

Then along came number three and this clothing practice was less practical.  Plus, with three children, it began to remind me of The Sound of Music.

That is when I became more practical and switched to just color coordinating their outfits to simplify our never ending laundry.

 It has been difficult for me to let go and let the children discover their own style. Jackson has gone through phases of cultivating a few looks, like the layered look and then the camo look last year, that I have not quite understood. Am I really supposed to understand everything?

Where I draw the line and lay down the law is church.  I dictate what is worn to church, there are guidelines for school and the rest can be debated along the way.  Athletic practice clothing has become a free-for-all and I just smile and wave and cheer even when I think they resemble small homeless people.

School yearbook photos were today.  Days in advanced, I asked everyone what they were wearing. I wanted to avoid last minute demands or surprises.

Jackson warned me well in advance that he was going to wear the most wretched, junkiest athletic clothing he could find.  He was clear about the fact he was going to school where his comfort is of the utmost importance in order for him to learn.  He was not wearing any stiff, fancy, dressy churchy clothes just because the school made him pose for a photo.

This morning, Holland dressed and groomed herself appropriately without complaint.  Austin selected a bright orange v-neck shirt which he obviously thought he looked good in because he seemed very confident wearing it.  I tried to get the image of Austin with a big handlebar mustache and chest hairs popping out of the top the shirt and a thick gold chain out of my mind.  Austin needed a haircut but since he is allergic to haircuts and my battle tolerance has been low, I decided the yearbook photo would be more appropriate with Austin's hair in a normal state.

Then there was Jackson.  Jackson came in wearing the most worn out, to the point of appearing retro, Alabama t-shirt that I had never seen.  I just smiled sweetly at him and reminded him to brush his hair.  He looked a little bewildered and deflated that I did not make him change but the battle was not in me.

From the beginning, I have said I do not make scrapbooks but I am collecting evidence files.  Too much has happened for me to worry about what other people think.  Too much has happened for me to worry about the small things.  If they want to have yearbook photos that are worthy of a best of the worst contests, then so be it!

If you saw my boys today and you wondered if I had forgotten that it was picture day, no I did not.  My children were sent off to school in a loving "state of grace."  I saved my battle for something bigger than school photos.  Plus, I never know when to expect the next war.

+Maryjane Johnson, is this from the Isaiah collection?  If so, that would explain why it is his favorite:).  Those boys are true buds.

Is This As Good As Reading Gets?

This is the first year I have exclusively helped the children with their homework. In my past married life, we had fancy things like tutors and extra child care but slowly and painfully most extra amenities are falling by the wayside.  Now we are kicking it old school.  I must admit that helping three elementary age children with their schoolwork is much more challenging than I had thought possible.

Jackson has been my primary child of academic focus this year.  Just being me or being Jackson is a challenge in and of itself. Get the two of us together to do homework and now you are talking some serious firework potential!

In the classroom, Jackson is only reading fourteen words per minute. At home, once he realized I was timing him, he took that as a personal challenge.  Now he reads in the fifty to seventy five WPM range. Hopefully he will find balance soon.

When Jax presented me with his library book for practice reading, I was less than excited.  Junie B. Jones was in the Top 100 Banned or Challenged Books for a reason in my book!  Seriously, the child who needs to work on his behavior and reading fluency is sent home with this book. Does he really need to the study poor social values of a main character known for her mouthiness and bad grammar?  Is that what it will take to seduce him into reading or will this just help expand his impulsive shenanigan repertoire?

There is a conservative streak inside me that advocates phonics and the belief that children should be taught proper spelling and grammar from the outset. They will have a lifetime of whole language!  They are already well versed in the vernacular! Can I learn to embrace the misspellings and other errors as long as my child engages in reading? This slapstick and vulgar style definitely approaches the needs of the most common child and Jackson does seem to enjoy reading it.

Every time Junie struggles with Junie grammar, my teeth itch. Subject and object pronouns are beyond her reach as are possessives.  Her adverbs lack the "ly' suffix.  She is incapable of conjugating irregular past tense verbs.  Hearing Jackson read words like funnest and beautifuller make me C-R-I-N-G-E. 

Here I sit in judgment, the most fallible person on the planet.  The one who openly admits to having made mistakes in every area of my life, errors including social as well as grammatical ones. This less than perfect mom will never attempt to raise an oxymoron, aka the 'perfect child'.  It might be time to normalize my expectations. My children might not strive to be the literary scholar I desire to become nor will they necessarily dedicate their lifetime to studying British Literature. They might not dream of me someday chaperoning them during their studies at Oxford. Que triste. 

In the end, I realize I am unwilling to implement radical censorship, particularly when they are only reading early chapter books. As long as they do not use Junie in the same sentence with Pippi or Eloise, I will be OK.

Click this link is to listen to Weird Al Yankovic's New Song That Will Teach You Everything You Need To Know About Grammar

At the Car Wash

The children and I LOVE to travel. It must run in the family because my grandmother always said "Call me, my middle name is GO!"  With so many friends and family so far away, we have even learned to have fun on our car trips. True story.

Now, there is nothing like the aftermath of the kids riding in the car for 8 hours and the cleanup is not the fun part. I have this fantasy that we someday go on this incredibly long road trip and we get back and the van magically disappears and I have a brand new shiny clean vehicle!  That has not happened yet, so we went to the car wash today. 

The kids love the car wash. The novelty never wears off. It is a magical place because when they are there, all three willingly clean!  It is nice to have a fresh, clean start even if it is just in our old beater van. 

Today was a fresh start for Jackson too under his behavioral contract at school. His teacher said that he was "fantastic" and he completed all his work at school! We have had a nice relaxing time at home tonight as well. The kids had extra playtime with their Legos and I continued to purge clutter from the house.  All in all it was a good day. 

Austin had a good day as well it seems. He said, "Mommy, I changed my name today. You see, I am the Big King Leader of my friends at school. They need to call me Skull, so you start calling me Skull too."  We all had a good laugh over that one. 

Here are some photos from the car wash so you can see the magic for yourself. 

The soap party is just getting started. 

Neon bubbles...

Soap Nadder is coming!

Vacuum hurdles. 

Monkey see, monkey do!